Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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