SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
