maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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