and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
