No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
