I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
