everyone is single if you try hard enough
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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