i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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