Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
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whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
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you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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