I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
