party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
