when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She is in my trunk
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
