dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
