dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
