I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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