I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
