so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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