Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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