woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
