Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
