i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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