I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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