you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
