I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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