I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
