I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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