evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
