It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
