Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I need a beard to bite.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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