it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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