we have pet lesbian snakes
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
