just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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