Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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