She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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