I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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