i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
