When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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