i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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