She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
