She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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