i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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