I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
