hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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