i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
