she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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