you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
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I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
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Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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