You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
