If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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