I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
