Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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