i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
