I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
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i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
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I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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