In the future we'll all be gay
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize