Already got asked if we're dating
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
how drunk are you?
Several
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
