I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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