I'm jealous of your bromance
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
