my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
