Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
