So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
