i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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