i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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