When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
