I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
