Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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