I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
