I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
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He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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