Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
