I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
