I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
