Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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