Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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