Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
