it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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