Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
