I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
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6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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