I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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