Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
