the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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