she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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