Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
