I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
