When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Mom said you looked used
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
