he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
