WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
