It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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