ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
